HK: Yes, yes. That is why we decide to remove many features. Very stressful. Very dangerous when I am stressed.
IGN: Good to know! Let's start with a qualm we here at the IGN offices still can't get over-- the lack of item customization. Blue shells have got to go!
HK: Blue shell not go anywhere, except to first place. Many people of all the ages play Mario Kart, so we must keep the playing field even.
IGN: Was the lack of a single-player "Versus" mode an oversight, or an evolution of the series? Everytime you finish the last cups, you have to watch the ending credits!
HK: You will watch them until you memorize them.
IGN: Some people have voiced concern about the character roster. Why Metal Mario, instead of the more contemporary Shadow or Cosmic versions?
HK: We did consider Shadow and Cosmic Mario, along with Tanooki Mario, Fire Mario, Dr. Mario, Hammer Mario, Boomerang Mario, Bee Mario, Ice Mario, Penguin Mario, Baby Mario and Frog Mario. One of the programmers did suggest that there were too many versions of Mario. (laughs) He is no longer with us.
IGN: You fired him?
HK: (silence)
IGN: So why Metal Mario, then?
HK: When we design this game, we ask ourself, 'Who do people really want to play as?'
Waluigi? No. Waluigi don't sell game. Mario do. So we take Waluigi out.
IGN: Interesting. So the more Mario, the better?
HK: Let's just say, you are very lucky there are character besides Mario. Like new item, Lucky 7. You are very fortunate.
IGN: Well, it was nice to see Funky Kong and R.O.B. after all these years.
HK: Yes, yes. You will never see them again.
IGN: What is it like working with Miyamoto-san? Did he provide any input or guidance with this entry?
HK: M-Miyamoto-sama...
(Konno-san stares into the distance and begins to sweat)
IGN: Are you OK? You're clenching your fists...
(Konno-san pulls out a handkerchief and wipes his forehead)
HK: Heh, yes, well... Miyamoto-sama is very demanding. Very big... expectations.
IGN: Can we expect any kind of downloadable content for Mario Kart 7?
HK: We are considering new feature called Lucky 7 Roulette. Basically, each week, one of the characters will be randomly replaced by "baby" version. It will be permanent, yes, you see, until all characters are baby.
IGN: Anything else?
HK: No.
IGN: Do you hate people that play your games?
HK: I hate everyone. (laughs)
IGN: You killed that programmer, didn't you?
HK: Yes. I threw Wii Wheel and he died. He no get ending credits. (laughs) Wii Wheel not break, though.
(Konno-san opens his jacket and produces a dirty Wii Wheel, still laughing)
IGN: Thank you for your time, Konno-san.
HK: Yes, yes. Congratulations. (stares at ground)
Last time we talked to Hideki Konno about his latest release, Mario Kart 7.
Today, we'll focus on the series as a whole.
IGN: Welcome back Konno-san! You must be looking forward to the Wii U, as more powerful hardware can only lead to new possibilities.
HK: Yes. You know, sometime I ask myself, "Why do I even bother?" New game, new system, new this, new that. Over and over-- the cycle never ends.
But then, one night, I had revelation: Mario Kart is life itself. It is a constant struggle for first place.
Blue shell is like bully, who is jealous of your success. Red shell-- like whiny, nagging person who wants to critique your work. Banana peel like lazy person, always in the way.
Green shell? Yes, like ignorant person that no one care about anyway.
(Konno-san leans forward and lowers his voice)
HK: Your favorite character not come back in sequel? That character died, just like real life.
So, you see, Mario Kart must go on, because life will go on.
IGN: Do you intend to implement the screen on the Wii U controller in the next Mario Kart? Like a rear-view mirror, perhaps?
HK: Yes, yes. Maybe. Well, no. Too many good idea lead to too many stress.
IGN: Speaking of stress... Is it true that you were locked in your office at one point during development?
HK: Some have question my ability to work well with my subordinates, but I assure you, that is simply nonsense. During development for Mario Kart 7, I did have a few incident with my team. Iwata-sama felt it was necessary to lock me in closet.
IGN: You were in solitary confinement?
HK: I would not say "solitary." A programmer died earlier in development stage, you see... Very tragic, yes. Very unfortunate.
IGN: Do people die often during development? I mean, we didn't hear anything about it...
HK: Yes, yes. You see, sometime in development, it is necessary to "let the handicapped horse roll off cliff" as Miyamoto-sama once told me. Far too late in development, some person have crazy new idea.
We have two week left, and you suggest more characters? Impossible. Then, that person disappear, and not come to work anymore. (shrugs)
IGN: This programmer that you... er, that "died" during development-- what was his name?
HK: Did you see him in Ending Credits? No? He must not have name. Watch Ending Credits again. Still nothing? What programmer? (laughs; pats his chest)
IGN: How large is a typical Mario Kart development team?
HK: It gets smaller every day. (laughs and slaps his knee)
IGN: Do you anticipate a larger team when production of the new game begins?
HK: The future is uncertain. I cannot work with ignorant people who do not share my passion for the good life.
I asked Miyamoto-sama if I may personally interview prospective team-members.
He said, "No."
IGN: How did you become involved with the original Super Mario Kart?
HK: Yes. Many years ago, I missed chikatetsu (editor: subway), so I borrow someone else's car. I am never late to work. Perhaps, I was driving too fast. (smiles)
Miyamoto-sama was looking out office window for inspiration, and saw me driving like maniac. That is how I got the job.
IGN: Wow, so your disregard for life and the law actually made you who you are today.
HK: Yes. As I said, Mario Kart is life itself.
IGN: Thank you again, Konno-san.
HK: Yes, yes. You are very fortunate.
Hideki Konno, in a straightjacket, is escorted into the IGN offices by a nurse and a security guard.
IGN: Konno-san! We heard you were under a great deal of stress, and we figured another interview would relieve some tension.
Konno-san squints his eyes and leans forward. The security guard reaches for his baton.
HK: You want interview?
Konno-san pauses for a moment, and glances at the guard's baton.
HK: Oh, OK, I give you interview. What you want? I done with Mario Kart 7, and Iwata-sama gave me two-week notice!
IGN: You're being fired from Nintendo?
HK: Fired? No, why would I be fired?
IGN: You said a "two-week notice."
HK: Yes, yes-- two weeks to make new game!
IGN: Interesting. So you don't want to talk about Mario Kart?
HK: On subway home, ignorant teenage-girl ask me why no Waluigi.
Konno-san scrunches his face, doing his imitation of a disgruntled fan.
HK: "Sumimasen, sumimasen, Konno-sama! Why no Waluigi? You forget him, right?" Oh, yes, I forgot-- forgot to kill him!
Waluigi made by some ignorant person at Camelot--not even canon! I should make game about killing Waluigi.
The nurse calms Konno-san and massages his shoulders.
HK: Ah... Yes, yes. Must kill... Waluigi.
IGN: You really don't like Waluigi, and yet, you added Waluigi Pinball as a retro track in Mario Kart 7.
HK: I can see it now. In new game, Baby Mario go to Waluigi house and pretend he need daddy. Then, Baby Mario murder him. You play as Baby Mario, and have to set traps for Waluigi. Like movie, Alone Home.
IGN: Konno-san, is it true you are living in a mental institution? Have you considered taking a break from videogames?
HK: "Konno-san, why no snaking?" Why no snake? Player 2 in new game will be snake. You eat Waluigi.
The security guard chokes on his coffee and steps forward.
Security Guard: Hey, my son plays them Mario games-- I don't want no snakes in my son's games!
Konno-san turns to the guard and begins to hiss, like a snake.
HK: You... You are ignorant... like green shell!
The guard hits Konno-san over the head with his baton.
IGN: So, you've been moved to a mental hospital, and still, all you think about is making games. A true artist!
HK: "Konno-san, Mii sound so stupid!" Yes, Mii voice was programmer, trying to breath as I strangle him.
Player 3 in new game will be Mii. You strangle Waluigi.
IGN: So, Baby Mario, a snake, and a Mii--
HK: Player 4 is Waluigi, but no controls. Press button, nothing happens. Yes... No, wait! Player 4 can use Wii Wheel to make Waluigi scream.
IGN: How?
HK: You have to stand in front of TV and wave you arms around-- haven't you seen Wii commercial? You are desperate after all, trying to escape the baby. Just like real life.
IGN: Konno-san, it is obvious that you are truly ahead of your time. Do you have any advice for aspiring game creators?
HK: Yes, yes. Maybe. Well, no. You will not make good game anyway, so please don't even bother.
Security Guard: Dang, my son wants to make them games when he grows up!
The guard hits Konno-san over the head with his baton.
IGN: Thank you, Konno-san. We look forward to your continued success.
HK: Yes. Do not forget-- Mario Kart is life, and it is OK to hate life sometimes.
Konno-san is escorted away by the nurse and security guard.
SWAG.